This blog post about losing control of our lives is very personal for me.
I have spent years not looking—really looking at myself. Sure, I am proud of the students that I have helped. But, I sabotage myself.
Do you want to know the reason? I try and control things that don’t matter or that I have no real control over. My fear of what I can do causes me to choose the status quo.
And, when I do all this, I make excuses to myself.
We live in a time that have many of us feel we are losing control of our lives…the very fabric of our lives.
On one hand, we feel decisions affecting our lives seem to be being made by those who have control we should have and a lack of information to make those decisions that reflect our choices.
Trying to Control What You Can’t Control
This apparent loss of control can result in feelings and reality of hopelessness and helplessness.
Are we going about addressing the sources of our frustration the wrong way? Are we trying to control and worry about situations that are simply out of control?
For example, do we worry about and try to control:
- What people think about us
- Political situations that are out of our control
- What our future is with our company
We are Our Worst Enemies…Instead Control Ourselves!
The fact is that, more often than not, we are capable of being in control of most everything that matters to us most.
We are our worst enemies, however. We worry about (and, thus, want to control) so much that matters not. And, as a result, we divert our attention away from what we can control, what we really want out of life and what matters.
The real bottom line is that all we can control is ourselves. But, it is often the most difficult thing to face. That is, who we really are.
In fact, we lose control of what matters to us by our own choices, actions and inactions. We have become addicted to the short-lived and, usually, ineffective concept of motivation.
Our society is replete with marketing that convinces us that wanting something is enough to “get” what we want and what we “want” to achieve.
In fact, motivation is rarely the basis of long lasting change in our lives. Incorporating effective habits however provides much more hope of success.
Habits and Consistency, YES!
Habits are practice. We will never believe we are capable of being the kind of person we want to be until we are actively practicing those habits. What habits are those, though?
The essence of effective habits is consistency.
We know in our heart of hearts that if we are not consistent in our actions, we won’t reach our goals. But, here is how we sabotage ourselves.
If we are afraid of not reaching our goals, we will not be consistent so that we don’t have to face that potential failure!
Control our Choices Then We Control Ourselves and Our Outcomes
Here is another way that we sabotage ourselves in this regard…this is, again, about control over our choices.
Have you ever gone off and watched TV, or just got onto your phone and “wasted time” when you KNEW you had a priority task to do?
You tell yourself that you will get to that important task later. And, what happens? You get tired and don’t accomplish that task.
I believe that management of our physical self, nutrition, sleep patterns and working through fatigue is one the major elements of our life that we do NOT control. Maybe it is just another way to pull the rug out from underneath ourselves?
The establishment of habits are not only beneficial for the sake of the habit. Habits that cause us to believe not only that we can accomplish something must also reinforce our belief that we are capable of being that person we are trying to be.
Continually Check Ourselves
For example, it is of no benefit to try and establish habits that result eventually in a law degree if we don’t truly see ourselves accomplishing that.
Do you see yourself as a successful lawyer? We need to see ourselves as the target of our goal and habits.
Finally, don’t be afraid to change the goals and with consideration change the habits, if our views of ourselves don’t coincide anymore with the goals. But, do this by always honestly reassessing yourself and your choices and habits.
Change, don’t control.
Feel Like You’re Losing Control? I Can Help
If you feel like you’re losing control of your academics—or, even better, you want to be proactive before you do—I can help you. Click below to learn more about our in person or remote tutoring service: